somewhere far from here....

Iv'e been full of feelings, and emotions.  Highs and lows.

Struggling to keep it together, I find a way to pretend.

Everything felt so right. Then, as quick as everything good was inside me, it went away and I feel lost.

I'm trying to find a way to come to peace with it all.


Last night I went out to dinner.  Leaving my thoughts closed up I focused on enjoying conversations and friends.  For that little bit, I realized how life is always meant to move on, no matter what your going through right now.

As I drove home I thanked God for giving me strength.

When I got home everyone was tucked in bed asleep.

Audrey popped out from under the covers, "mama?".

"Si, es mama linda". 

Kip put his arm around me.

And everything really isn't so bad.

Yesterday morning

I wanted to pick Jeremiah up from school.  Bring him home and tuck everyone back in bed (myself included).

Start the morning all over again

and maybe even try getting out from the other side of bed.

I yelled and screamed and said things I shouldn't have said.  I punished way to hard.

 I really tried not to, yet I guess I didn't.

Why is it so easy for us to get upset?  Over little things?

My morning was a mess.  I felt disappointed and sad with myself.  Just like that, all the books and articles and breathing and praying, they left, and it was just I.  The other I, the one who really isn't me.

I picked him up after school and apologized.  I hugged and said "I don't like what you did, but I shouldn't have acted that way with you" I felt awful.  I stuck to my punishments, but regretted my behavior.  Which is the worst thing to feel after disciplining your child.

I talked to Kip when he got home.

and spent extra time with Jeremiah.

Today, was a new day.  And so much different from yesterday, that day.

I am starting new.

How do you handle situations like these?  When you are so angry?  Do you leave the room?  Count to 10?  Hug? Pray?