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Thursday, June 24

The word HATE

Yesterday, dropping Jeremiah off.

Jeremiah: "I don't want to go to school"

Kip: "you only have a couple more days,why not?"

Jeremiah: "because I hate my teacher"

Kip:  "that is a really strong word, why do you hate her?"

Jeremiah: "because she's mean"

Kip:  "we will talk about this after school"




Kip told me about their conversation during his lunch break.  We were both upset and worried about him using such a negative word towards his teacher.


That evening when all of us were together I asked Jeremiah why he hated his teacher.  He explained how he didn't really hate her.  He just didn't like her.  He said he was tired in the morning and that's why he had said that.

He told us about how she ignores him sometimes.  Or forgets things she promised.  Or tells him to be quiet, when he wasn't the one talking. How if one person is acting up, the whole class gets in trouble.

I asked him if he knew the meaning to that word. We talked about the word hate.  What it means.  And how sometimes we might have a reason for hating someone.  Like when someone hurts us, or touches us the wrong way.

We talked about his teacher, and how those reasons were not reasons to hate or dislike her.  

We did acknowledge how those situations could make him upset, but were still not reasons to feel this way towards a person.

We had him imagine having to take care of 30 toddlers Audrey's age and how easy it would be to mistake one for the other.  Or think one was talking, when really another was talking.

I told him about all the sweet things his teacher had said about him during open house.  Like how smart he was, how he was a natural at playing instruments, and how handsome he was.

"that's true.  I guess I do like her.  I was just having a bad morning."


I have been really focusing on more positive parenting. Listening to him.
Months ago, I probably would have just said, "I don't like that word Jeremiah, please don't say that about your teacher anymore".

I am listening.

7 comments:

Dariela said...

I like that you talk about this. I can learn for what I will deal with someday. I think it's very every nice the way you guys handled it, it's so easy to just say: Don't say that word y punto!

Dariela said...

BTW, the header looks GREAT!!

The Proud Mommy said...

Wow! that was really responsible of you guys! Like Dariela I have a lot to learn! Thanks for sharing =)

Liz said...

Ay Amiga... I go through the same thing with my Jere....

**sigh**

Good job mama!

Stephanie said...

Marcela, I love that you took the time to listen (and I also love that Kip just said "we'll talk about this later" instead of reacting in the moment...). What wonderfully wise parents you both are!

stephanie@metropolitanmama.net

DigaMama said...

I had a rhetoric professor in college who defined the word "hate" in an Aristotelian sense. Hate according to Aristotle means you wish for something "to cease to exist." Not that you would use that kind of logic with your kids!

It's just, yeah, hate is a super strong word and even I have to watch the way I use it, especially around my little guy!

Marcela said...

@DigaMama

So true! I have to monitor myself to see if I have been using that word!

I really really dislike the word hate. I was really bothered by him feeling that way.

"cease to exist", I actually think he would understand this...if I put it in context. Thanks.

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